Valentine(V) day special- 30 ways to ditch your lousy V-day date

1-when u meet him, tell him you are pregnant, but don't know whose one
2-when she gets off your car at the entrance of the restaurant, kick her out and drive off
3-if she order seafood spagetti for dinner, don't hesitate to "kaput" all the mussels, oysters and prawns from her plate
4-treat her to a $2 plate chicken rice at the dirtiest kopitiam available
5-say your father only earn "peanuts" pay
6-tell all your NSF army "garang" stories to her till she fell asleep, then quietly leave the table
7-say you need to use the washroom, but instead leave by the back door
8- flirt with the waiter/waitress(see whichever come first, metrosexual era)
9-ask her whether she want to see your mum's dirty videos at your home
10-scratch your itchy backside and then dig your nose
11-say you want to form a opposition party to contest tanjong pagar coming next election(guess who's territory is that)
12-say you are somehow related to T_ dur_i as your distant relatives
13-rub your sweaty armpits with your fingers and help her do the prawn shells
14-pretend crying and say how bad you miss your EX-boyfriend and that he was so tok gong, yan dao, shuai, intelligent...(you know what i mean?)...till he look for a hole to dig in
15-tell him you haven't bathe for 2 months
16-talk loudly with your mouth open and "accidentally" spit every thing you eat out, and then eat them back again
17-say you forget to bring your wallet when the bill comes(for guys)
18-say you think you met her sometime ago at IMH
19-tell her that if she date you, you can find excuse with your doctor to leave your "quarantine room for communicable diseases"
20-say all your 20 ex-gf leave you cause you "hoot" them when you spot them talking to a guy
21-say doctor declare you got some sleep disorder that cause you to sleep walk and move your bed out of the house everynight
22-give a loud fart during your candle-light dinner and then stand up and point your finger at her, the other hand cover your nose(act innocent)
23-make smooching and kissing sound on the phone and pretend your lover on the other line(eventhough you don't have)
24-say you are eligible age to collect your CPF
25-say he/she face resembles your dead pet bulldog
26-ask for her sister's/ his brother's handphone number
27-propose to her with a "Pepsi" can ring, although you know she likes "coke"
28-say you got a special power that cause you to have the ability to transmit nuclear radioactive rays when you are happy, that could cause her fair complexion to become "otah" (did you watched the drama "Heroes")
29-start scratching your whole body "uncontrollably" (especially your neck,armpit and upper thighs) and when she start looking at you, you say it is "not that" "HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS"
30-(last bo bian method)-(for girls)-tell him you actually go for "skirts" one
-(for guys)-tell her you actually go for "short-less" one

*for goodness sake, please don't try them hor, if you really "garang" go try got reverse effect don't say i "sabo king"...*

(-HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY-)

Why marriages fail-part 2

story:
John returns home after a tired day at work. The first thing he saw and heard was Mary sitting by the phone speaking angrily to the other line. John then bathe and get changed. After coming out from the bathroom, he could still see Mary on the phone. Mary was complaining to her friends how demanding and rude her manager is...not giving her any compensation for OT, scolding her infront of the other office workers, always threatening to retrench her...
Now John sits at the sofa infront of the tv and watch the 6.30pm Chinese news. In actual fact, he couldn't hear what the news presenter was saying, as his concern goes only to his wife, his ears are only tunned to what her wife is complaining. The more he listen the more he felt "useless" and "incapable" of preventing her wife from being bullied at work. He would think, if only I am richer and more successful, these things won't happen to my wife...however when he look at himself being just a low-rank executive in a huge company, he began to automatically lose some confidence in himself and his mood begins to worsen as he Thinks that it is almost impossible for him to change things over immediately...he began to think of short, impatient and passive actions to try to solve her wife's problem...even before Mary hangs up, John started to suggest that Mary quits her job, complain to her higher management or...(and in a way interrupted the conversation between Mary and her friend, a no-go thing to do)
Mary became pissed, she started speaking back at John in a tone as though John doesn't care for her at all...such as.."I am now just saying how i feel, you think i am wrong". John become irritated, "WHAT HAPPEN?" why did Mary thinks John is not showing concern for her?

Explanation: Men's thinking leans towards problem solving. Women's leans towards feeling and compassion...understand? Mary was irritated when John prompted all the "problem solving" method cause all she wanted was care and concern, not "you should do this you should do that" words from John. 98% of all women's complain asked for just a simple word or show of concern and affection, not asking for you "clever" man to solve it for them. Likewise for John, when he feels he CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE THE SITUATION, his testosterone level sinks to the bottom and he began to lose confidence and get impatient

Solutions: John should wait until Mary HAD FINISHED TALKING ON THE PHONE AND EATEN DINNER and maybe a while after she HAD CALMED DOWN, then should he sit beside her and stretch out his hand to cover her hands and asked her how is her day. Immediately, Mary will started saying and complaining everything all over again to John..and the next step is SUPER CRUCIAL: John must NOT interrupt Mary with his "problem solving" speech,he MUST pay full concentration to her and encourage her to keep on saying, i repeat, KEEP ON SAYING. I can promise you after Mary had really said everything bottled in her mind, her temperature will go back normal, and John will be ranked as one of the best husband in the world because he LISTENS, NOT SOLVE or interrupt. Women wanted their guy partners to listen to them deeply and show understanding..thats all for today..